We’re two chicks who have had (and are having, still, at times) an abundance of shitty relationships. We spend a lot of time sitting around smoking cigarettes and drinking wine and vodka, bitching about our shitty relationships. We give each other the tough talk. We forgive each other our frequent transgressions (but he is so hot! but he is covered in tattoos and it is so fucking sexy oh my god I can’t help myself! but I was super horny I swear never again! He’s like 20 years younger LOLOLOLOMG) and support each other through the shit. Because ohhhhh… the shit.
Complaining to one another helps. It just does. And while we let each other get away with a lot of crap, we nag each other about that crap. Because we’re friends and that’s what friends do. And we are so very fucking eager to continue the quest to be better people ourselves. That’s what it’s all about, as far as we are concerned. Better for ourselves, for our children and families. But really. For ourselves.
And eventually, we get to the part where we realize that it’s really, truly all up to us. But we’re going to nag the shit out of the situation before we get there. Here’s some info about the ways we’re categorizing the content here on NagPit. Please note that we swear a lot because we love the power of words and if it makes you uncomfortable, we’re certainly sorry that’s the case, but we’re going to fucking swear anyway. Doesn’t mean we don’t love you. We’re still here to help if we can.
THIS HAPPENED: We are storytellers at heart, and we find the telling of the story to be the most healing, which is why we’ve included the This Happened category and feel it’s probably the most important facet of this site. Simply telling the story is incredibly healing, but dear god, it is SO FUCKING HARD to tell these stories sometimes. Because to tell the story, to really put out there to an audience, whether it’s of one, or of thousands, is fucking terrifying. All of the voices in our heads (some our own, some installed there by others) come out to play: “Why did you let this happen?” “What is wrong with you?” “Why did you go along with it for so long?” “Why didn’t you just leave/block/call the police?” “Why didn’t you press charges?” “Why did you go back?” “Why did you go back again?” “There is something seriously wrong with you.” “I didn’t do anything.” “I never hurt you.” “I didn’t say that.” “It’s fine, you know what you’re doing.” “He/She doesn’t mean anything anyway, this is just for fun, why are you so upset?” “You are fat/skinny/crazy/dumb/stupid.”
“What is wrong with you?” “What is wrong with you?” “What is wrong with you?”
But, my friends, I promise you, to ignore those voices and to tell the story to an audience who gets it, is where we find the freedom. This is how we move on. This is how we let go. This is where our power is, and oh fuck yes, we are powerful. I mean FUCK THOSE FUCKING VOICES. They have bad hair and are kinda dirty and creepy most of the time! Fuck them!
This is how we win. This is how we expand the audience of people who get it, who will fight in the best way they can to ensure it doesn’t happen to themselves or to the people they care about.
Your story is safe here. Every story has value.
Your experience (and your anonymity) will be honored here. We need your stories so we can heal, too. We all need to know that it’s not just us.
To share your story, please email us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Every experience and the story of it is a gift to the universe and everything in it, including yourself. Share that gift with us. Please and thanks.
WHAT I KNOW: This is everything from a short-and-sweet “I know that I was abused and I was powerless to stop it” to “I know that I won’t let it happen again” to “I know that I am afraid I might let it happen again and I don’t know what to do about it” to a fully-researched essay about the effects of a narcissistic sociopath on the people around him or her to a “this is what happened to my friend and I know this about it.”
What have you learned? What do you know, right now? What are you trying to figure out? Help us all. We’re all on the same path.
Note: This is as much “what I know” as “what I didn’t know” or “what I don’t know.” Or “what I’m trying to fucking figure out oh my god what the fuck.” Find your way there. We’re listening. It’s all good.
ADVICE: Posts here will be for people looking for relationship advice. The word “relationship” covers a lot of ground. This isn’t just about romantic, marital, family relationships. Work relationships, friend relationships… Wherever you are relating to other humans in the world and you have a question about it, here’s your place to ask.
Here’s where we will stress that there is no judgement, there is no metric by which any of us should be weighing one problem against the other. There is no “Whatever, you don’t even KNOW the crap I’ve been through” here. Every question has value. Every issue is important. We mean this quite literally: Your argument with your husband of 15 years about who is going to make dinner tonight or who is going to get to orgasm is every bit as valuable as that of a woman who got punched in the face for the tenth time for not having dinner on the table when her husband got home and was powerless to stop her kids from being hit because she couldn’t get off the floor.
We know that might sound a little insane right at the moment. That’s cool. But we cannot ask others not to judge us if we hold onto some absurd right to judge them. We all have our shit. We all have our struggles. Some of us have it easier than others, by unbelievable orders of magnitude. We are all here to learn and grow. That’s what life is about. That is literally what life is about. Yes, apparently, we here at NagPit know what life is all about. You are not invited to participate if you are going to judge anyone for having it either worse or easier than you yourself have it. We are all human. We all are in the place we are in. We cannot judge. It’s not allowed here. Thanks in advance.
THAT SAID: If you or your children are being physically abused, please seek help immediately. It will not stop, and it will not get better for much longer than it takes for your or your childrens’ bruises to fade or your broken bones to heal. You or your children will die. There is help for you, but you have to ask for it, and it’s okay to ask. Ask. Do it. You can. You are so fucking powerful, and you should know that every powerful person has an army behind them. We are right here. We are your army. We’re just waiting for the call to arms. Our internet pitchforks are ready!
COMPLAINTS: Do you have a complaint you’d like to share? Like, you just want to dump all of your bitterness and resentment out of your Nag Pit because it’s full and you need to make room and/or don’t want to dump it on your significant other because they are sick and tired of it? Send it to us at email@example.com.
SEX: Sex question? We’ve had sex a few times. We may be able to tell you what to do or how to do it (or not do it) or at least point you in the right direction. Sex is weird and awesome, isn’t it?
RESOURCES: Here’s where we collect. As it grows, we may try to figure out some better way of organizing it, but at the moment, it is what it is. Google will serve you better right now. As will 911.
The truth is, my love… You are not alone. You have an audience. You have support. You have a fucking army, and army of NAGS. FUCK ‘EM. We got this.
Disclaimer: We are not professionals or licensed or anything. We’re just two women who want to listen to your problems so that we feel better about our own. We take absolutely no responsibility whatsoever for whatever actions you might take based upon the advice we give you. Don’t kill anyone, k? Also, don’t sue us. If we make anything clear, it’s that we believe in personal responsibility. That’s what this is all about. Reclaiming our own selves, reclaiming our responsibility for our lives. It’s on you, love! You can do it.
IMPORTANT NOTE: If you are involved in an abusive relationship, there is help for you. We will stress this again and again. We take shit to another level sometimes, and we believe strongly that humor heals, but we are never going to joke about emotional or physical abuse. Please visit our Resources page for more information, and PLEASE, PLEASE get out of it as quickly as you can. We got your back, friend. You can do it. There’s a better and more stable life out there for you, and your children if there are any, we promise. He or she is absolutely not worth the pain you are enduring. But YOU are worthy and good and deserve better. You know it, we know it. Take the step to save your life.